I returned to Youngstown for a funeral a while back …One proud relative said in a bragging voice ” have you ever seen so many cadillacs at a funeral” ?  i laughed but still felt sad realizing that family dosnt have to understand you and vice versa.   Measuring the success of the deceased by gaging the price of cars that arrived is hard to grasp for me , although this comment was hilarious,  listening to the other racist,bigoted,or homophobic comments are more than cringeworthy.  Misunderstanding a relative  and being misunderstood  by relatives ……..Did that ever stop me from loving them unconditionally from a far  - no.  even when it can not be reciprocated at all ?  certainly not…I still want the best for them.  Does it stop me from spending holidays together…yes.  To feel miles away in a crowd - i’ll never get used to it , although I’ve spent enough time there, it is familiar as family. I set out  as a teenager  to find  love and a caring family on the island of misfits where I knew i belonged . I never could recognize sibling rivalry either, because my mind and heart dosn’t comprehend not wishing someone well ,but i’ve finally been able to recognize it for what it is in 2012 -it’s also called jealousy and is very sad .  xmas passed without the blues this year. why ? because i’ve good friends to spend it with and i’ve worked for years on christmas blues….after all…my father left myself and 2 sisters for good on christmas day. As i’ve been saying since i was 7- is blood really thicker than water ? NO , but  Love is thicker than water.  I’m lucky to have a couple of relatives who love me back unconditionally and wish me well. nothing fake about that- that is a true gift . happy holidays and LOVE- get it where you can. lady miss kier ….www.ladykier.com